I had one of the most meaningful and powerful weekends of my life last month. My entire family was involved and it was something I had been working towards for over a year. It was the culmination of hours and hours of work and sweat and tears.

One of my closest friends hasn’t asked me once about it.

Not a text, not a call. No “How did it go?” or “I’ve seen pictures on Facebook and it looks great!” or “Congratulations!”.

Complete silence.

I’ve reached out and she hasn’t returned phone calls or texts.

Looking back over the years of our friendship it has occurred to me that she is a really good friend when I’m not doing well, but she doesn’t know how to be a friend when other people are happy.

When I have called her in the past sad or upset or going through a traumatic time, she answers the phone at all hours.

When I got engaged? She cried because she didn’t have a boyfriend. When I got married? She didn’t come.

She has never quite been happy herself, so I believe she is most comfortable when those around her aren’t happy as well.

While it seems silly, I don’t want to lose her friendship. I have amazing memories with her and a soft spot in my heart for her laugh.

But I’m realizing I don’t like who I have to be in order to maintain our friendship.

When I’m talking to her I feel bad about being happy. I feel bad that I love my husband and my kids. I feel bad that I love my work and have accomplished things professionally.

Nevermind the fact that I’ve worked hard to make those things happen and that I make a choice to be happy every day.

Life isn’t easy for any of us, but we can either make a purposeful choice to find the positive and keep hoping and believing or we can get sucked down into the mud of hopelessness.

I chose the positive.

I can either honor that and be true to who I am and accept that our friendship might fade away, or I can downplay who I am and find the “woe is me” mentality I need to make her feel better about herself.

How often do you play small in order to make other people feel better? How much of yourself do you hide because you don’t fit into the box someone else has created for you? Do you feel bad about yourself simply because that’s a story that has been written for you and you think you should?

You do NOT need to take anything away from your AMAZINGNESS in order to make someone else feel better.

Yes you can still love that person. Yes you can support them and find a way to have them in your life.

But you cannot help them by covering up your own light.

And they should never ask you to.

Shine bright, shine big and shine wide. It is who you are made to be.

That is the only way to then help others shine brightly as well.

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