Be Inspired – February 2019

“You always have a choice”, he said.

I have two amazing miraculous babies. Every doctor and piece of medical information has told me I shouldn’t have been able to have them. But I did.

Despite this, a part of me still wants more.

Yes I’m thankful and so grateful for what I have. I don’t even know if more kids would be the right thing for our family. But if I’m completely honest and transparent, I have a slight ache for more that might never go away.

It hit me recently that – on the deepest level – I don’t think I’m actually sad about not having more kids. 

I think I mourn the fact that I don’t have the choice.

The choice was made for me by my endometriosis diagnosis. I have never been able to say “let’s have kids now” or “let’s plan them two years apart”.

We were miraculously able to have our first baby after five months of trying and then went through three years of trying, a surgery and two rounds of IVF for our baby boy.

I have a body that simply can’t get pregnant again barring a scientific miracle.

I told my husband this. That I simply wish I had the choice to decide if we were done having kids instead of the choice being made for me.

He said “You always have a choice.”

While at first I wasn’t happy with the Pollyanna positive talk while I was upset :), I quickly realized that he’s right. 

We could try IVF again. We could adopt. We could foster.

If I truly wanted another baby we do have options and we have choices.

I may not like those choices, but they are there for me. To say I have no choice is wrong.

The words have stuck with me.

We don’t always like what life gives us. We may want what someone else has. We might want different, better or more attractive options. We may feel stuck.

But there is always some choice woven in to the situation.

Maybe it’s simply choosing how we react to what we are given, but it is a choice.

Hang onto that the next time you find yourself wishing things were different. Exercise your power to chose how you react and how you feel. Think through your options before deciding it’s a lost cause.

Make a choice.

It’s one of the best ways to move forward.

Be Inspired – June 2024

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Be Inspired – April 2024